As Luck Will Have It
by jjpdn
Summary: What's the odds of rolling three 6's in a row? 1 out of 216. What about the chances of tripping so hard you create a wormhole in the fabric of space? Lemme tell you, it's not even small number. IT'S ZERO. Sad thing is... I'm not even surprised anymore when this 'zero' happens to me more times than the 1/216. Welcome to my life, where everything is so coincidental it's stupid.HIATUS
1. Chapter 1: Part 1

**A/N: No. I'm not high. I'm just writing what comes up to mind, as fast as I can.**

* * *

Well…

This was an interesting day.

The birds are singing, the sky is blue, my arm has FALLEN OFF, and an animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing is looking ?worriedly? at me.

The animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing made a weird echo-y chirping sound. I didn't feel like responding, because yah know, lost arm here! If I wanted to hear a symphony of chirping I'll go somewhere else. Somewhere where…

I looked around.

Well. I would have sworn Edmonton, Canada looked less… advanced. Less… metallic-building-y and without high tech holographic signs. Oh, and no blue alien ladies. And is that a tentacle monster?

I stared at the tentacle monster. Under the intense stare of a teenage boy laying on the floor (is this even the floor?) without an arm, it made a tactical escape. Or was creeped out. Success!

Seriously though, why did my arm fall off? I attempted to get up. The animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing took offense or something to that and pushed me back down, chirping more. Right. I probably should try not to disturb my wound. My arm was like, well, over there, and I was like, not over there. That's a problem.

Ooooh. Orange holographic stuff had appeared over the animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing's arm and he/she seemed to be making a call through it.

Yah know. I think that animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing is not supposed exist. I must have been really delirious. Hey! That's my blood! Stop running away! But blooooddddd… don't break up with me…

* * *

Sometime later, I woke up in a hospital bed. The room, from what I could see, was more futuristic than a normal hospital though, and actually looks cool. You would have thought some guy over at some gaming company made it. Aesthetics over usefulness, I'll say.

Hm… ah! My arm is reattached! Don't you dare break up with me again, arm!

A human wearing what looked like the combo between an admiral's uniform and plastic leather walked into the room, carrying a holographic tablet. He said something in – Swahili? – and I looked at him confused. He spoke more stuff in (obviously) Swahili and I was more confused. Suddenly, the man discovered something and went out of the room. He returned with a small electronic device. He placed it a holding device beside me.

"Hello?" Interesting. As the man talked, the device translated on the fly.

"'morn!" I responded.

The man nodded to himself and typed up something on his datapad. "May I ask a few questions?"

"Sure."

"What's your name?"

"Alejandro Nohjokk."

"Hm… and how is it spelled?"

I told him.

"…you sure that is correct? You do not seem to be in the Citadel citizen database."

I blinked a few times, trying to make any sense I could out of that question. "…I'm a Canadian."

"Is that one of the new colonies?"

"…sure?" Canada's not a colony anymore…

"Do you have a visa?"

Well… I must be really delirious. Because I would have just sworn this guy just asked me if I have a visa to a place where plays are performed (the Citadel is a theatre in Edmonton)… "No…?"

He looked at me weirdly. "Where do you come from?"

"Earth."

"Ahh," He wrote down something. "How did you arrive on the Citadel, Mr. Nohjokk?" I tried to remember.

"I was playing soccer with my friends… I remember going for the ball and Jorge charged at me – but then I slipped really hard."

He waited for the rest of the story.

"That's it. I woke up on this 'Citadel' after that. I don't remember hitting my head or anything, just bam, and suddenly I was here," I told him. "Though, I slipped really really REALLY hard."

He looked unconvinced (for good reason), but still jot down notes.

"And how do you explain the outdated driver's license and credit cards on your body?"

Outdated? I've just gotten them recently. "What do you mean, sir? I got them this year!"

"It is an offense to carry false identification on you, even if it is obviously for laughs. While plastic and chip cards are discontinued, it doesn't mean they are not as valid. Fakes that are as real as these ones are still against the law."

I was soooooo confused. "What? But they are real."

"Your ID claims you were born in 1998."

"Yeah…?" He looked at me as if I was insane.

"It is 2172. Are you claiming you are 174 years old?"

…ok he must be the insane one.

"Sir, it's 2016."

"Have you been taken hallucinogens or any other mind altering substances, young man?"

"No, sir." How is he still a… is he a doctor? He dresses weirdly for one.

"I am unconvinced. Do you mind if I do a few tests?"

An hour later, he came back with a frown on his face.

"What date is it, may I ask?" I asked him.

"Its July 15th, 2172." Hm. The month and day is right. Wow, I must have tripped really hard. This beats the time I blundered my way into Taliban headquarters (that was very hard to explain to my parents and the US officer peoples, by the way, seeing as I was supposed to be [and was, a few minutes ago!] in Montreal).

The ?doctor? person thought for a moment. "Wait here, I will call C-SEC. Do not worry, we will get to the bottom of this." He left, leaving me alone in the room.

Well, this has been an interesting turn of events. Aliens, arms falling off, incorrect dates, senile doctors, and I swear I also remember meeting a tentacle monster. Gosh, now that I think about it, maybe I did accidentally nosedive into some illegal substance or something. Who knows? Maybe the city was lying to us about the identity of that "grass" field.

Out of boredom, I tried turning my body to the right to look out the open window, but my right hand hit a button I think. Suddenly, the bed I was on started rising, to my horror.

Not again! All "incidents" start like this...

I tried pressing another button to stop it, but the bed started rising even faster. WHO THE HECK MAKES A BUTTON TO MAKE IT GO FASTER? To my surprise, the bed also didn't seem to stop rising.

Giving up, I decided to hop off the bed before I get squashed between it and the ceiling. However, I got tangled up in my sheets because of my haste. I grabbed onto the first metal bar I saw to recover my balance. Unlucky for me, that metal bar was not secured. I stumbled forward right in front of the open window and let go of the bar. But then, as luck would have it, the metal bar I was holding on to before was on an axle and came back behind me with vengeance.

As luck will have it, this whole turn of events sent me straight out the window.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

But hey! That's the kind of things that happen to me. Used to it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hm… did you know there was a word for getting thrown out the window? Defenestrating.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Hm. Its weird. As you fall, it feels like you have all the time in the world. Lots of time to think about really dumb things. Like… …hey that man that I'm going to land on soon looks strangely like a younger version of my dad's Mass Effect character.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


	2. Chapter 1: Part 2

**A/N: So, a reviewer user-named BJ Hanssen told me that my writing feels disjointed. I'm going to try to improve this time!**

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The man had noticed me and had braced for impact. When he caught me, he merely grunted without stumbling one step.

 _Wow! Holy crap! How did this guy catch me? I fell from at least two stories, even if I'm on the light side of average weight!_

The young man put me down and I inspected him. He looked to be about 18 years old and built like a tank ( _dang, I would like to have those muscles_ ). A strong angular face was on those broad shoulders, framed by typical angst-y teenager black hair.

"What the hell are you doing, idiot?" He scowled at me. _Wow, rude this kid. Then again, I kind of did almost squash him._

I looked down at his feet in embarrassment. "I – I – I think fell out of the window, accidentally. Thank you for rescuing me, sir."

"Well, kid, you better get back into the hospital. And get your hospital gown in order." He pointed at whatever I was wearing. "You're scarring the children." The blood drained out of my face.

I hurriedly patted myself down and found myself decent in contrary to his words. When I looked back up, I found him walking away snickering. _That jerk!_

 _Still though, I would like to know who saved me._ "Hey! May I get the name of my savior?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder. "Loki. Loki, Shepard." He disappeared into the crowd, who, seeing that the show has ended, slowly dissipated.

 _That name sounds very familiar._

I then blinked. _How did I even talk to him?_ I patted myself again and found that the translation device had miraculously found its way into my front pocket during my stumble. _Good thing it didn't break. Time to get back to the hospital now._

"In the name of the law, you're under arrest!" _What?_

I spun on my heel and found three armored people point their guns at me. They were armored from head to toe… but strangely, were covered by feathers and… glue?

"What? For what?"

Two of them stalked over and painfully twisted my arms behind my back. _Oh God! What if they damage my newly reattached arm? I like it connected to me and not the floor!_ A few more appeared behind the first three and formed a perimeter. These men were just as armed and armored as the first few, but had multicolored neon paint splattered on them.

"Don't think we don't know! Shepard has used this trick before, but this time, we have trackers on the artifact! You have been caught, accomplice!"

"But – but – but."

They dragged me away.

* * *

Above Alejandro's room, an old man lay in his bed recovering from some sickness. He was reading a nice book.

Rmmmmbmbmbmmmmbmbmbmbb…

He looked up, searching for the source of the sound.

CRACK!

He blinked as a hospital bed, with the floor debris still on top, levitated into his sight in front of him and continued to plow through his room's ceiling.

* * *

I was dragged into some kind of office, where another of those animated-green-plated-bird-alien-thing sat behind a desk.

"Sir! We have recovered the artifact that Shepard took," said the weirdo on my right. He hefted me higher from my slumped state, putting more pressure on my shoulder.

Plump.

We stared at my fallen arm. Guess that was all the manhandling my shoulder could take.

"Fuuuuu – "

The boss officer looked pissed. "You idiots!"

A long painful session later, we were back in the office with my arm reattached.

The boss-alien sat down in boss chair. "Ignoring the recent… developments, I see that we have finally caught an accomplice of that damned Shepard, I see. We can finally take revenge for his pranks… Search him, we have a warrant."

They did and one of them cried out in triumph when the man removed the translation device from my pocket. "We have evidence now, accomplice. You have been caught."

"But, a doctor gave it to me – "

"Liar! This is a precious artifact from the pre-implant-translator era and the tracker we attached to it says it is right in front of us! This is it and you stole it!" The officer who found it stuffed the 'artifact' into a plastic bag.

"But – "

"Do you want a lawyer?" _Ah good, even in the plastic bag it can still translate._

"Yes." …but the device seems too far away from me to translate what I say. Which means that his implanted updated translator kicked in.

The plated bird alien looked surprised. "No?"

 _Don't tell me that in 100 years, 'yes' has become 'no' in my language –_

"You declined? Well, that's a first. Take him to the holding cells. Let's hope this is not somehow another of Shepard's blasted jokes…"

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuccccccck – " I swore. They misunderstood it again.

"What is he saying about screws?" _Oh seriously, give me a break -_ The three of them looked each other and shrugged, before dragging me towards what is probably the cells.

The cell I was thrown into was actually quite nice. It was quite clean and was equipped with everything a prisoner would need, with a nice bed, a toilet, a sink, and even a holographic thingy. _Hurray for the future!_ I thought sarcastically.

Suddenly, I noticed a small device clipped onto the cloth of my hospital gown. I moved closer to my eye for inspection. It looks like some kind of tracker thing. Well, just my luck, Shepard must have noticed the tracker on what he stole and placed it on me. What a jerk, man! Though, I'm sure he wouldn't have known I actually had an artifact on me.

I walked to the bed and tiredly fell backwards onto it. _Well, I'm used to weird things happening around me, but sometimes, you can get really tired of it. Like how I would always accidentally walk into my girlfriend changing no matter what I do – I even tried getting her to lock the door, but the day it actually stopped me, the door's hinges fail and the door falls over!_ The side of my lips curled up in amusement. I made sure that thought past quickly, as I knew that thinking further would bring my thoughts to sadder times.

 _So what do I do now?_

I took a moment to recap what happened to me. _First, I was playing soccer with friends in my old ?dimension?. Then, my arm fell off for –_ I tried to classify the event _– comedic reasons and I tripped through the fabric of space-time into another dimension. My arm got reattached by a doctor. I met some Shepard kid. Then, I got arrested for having a translator in my pocket by – space cops? Or, maybe neon feather cops, if the whole was to be judged by the few. Though, didn't the boss-officer say something about Shepard's pranks? What a journey. I'm already tired of it._

 _Gah. How do I get home though? I haven't ever tripped through parallel universes before and I don't know how to replicate it._

…then one of the walls conveniently fell over.

"I heard one of Shepard's friends got caught! Don't cha worry boy, I gonna get cha out!" An old man walked on top of the rubble.

"But, I'm not one of his accomplices!"

He looked confused, before saying slowly. "…yes, you are not one of his appliances. Now come with me, let's go!" He then whispered under his breath. "Dang Loki makes weird friends. Appliances?" _Aaaargh!_

… _wait how am I understanding him?_

Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, I go and follow him out. We jump into some kind of flying vehicle and we take off.

"We're going to go straight to Earth to escape C-SEC. How's it feel to be on your way back our home planet, son?"

 _Well, I just hope my house is still there – Oh who am I kidding._

* * *

Don't forget that this is a fanfic. Because of that reason, my presence will change everything.

Because I was caught instead of Shepard, he wasn't able to be saved from the gang.

Because he wasn't able to escape the gang, he was also unable to join the Alliance.

Because he wasn't able to join the Alliance… he won't the N7 on the Normandy.

Without Shepard… how will the world be saved?

Of course, I didn't know about this at all till later. Much later.


End file.
